Here's a good idea for The ESO IT crew, namely Magruder.

Stop reading this website and get the freaking computers working.

CAD is locking up. Do you understand that may get someone hurt?

Who cares if Nan's lastest weenie fest fundraiser email is able to make it to all users; get the damn CAD system working. This may come as a surprise to you main office douchebags but some of us are in harm's way and rely solely on dispatch for information that could either save or cost us our lives. Dispatchers can't provide this info if CAD has locked up sealing vital officer safety data inside its retarded servers. Quit screwing around and fix it.
Call Shane, call Michael Dell or even Bill F'ing Gates if it will help but just get the system fixed before you get one of us killed.

Have you people no soul?

My kids had better not grow up without me because you would rather prowl the web for dirt on Mcnesby's enemies than fix CAD. I vow to haunt you from beyond the grave if this happens to me and my family. Your spirit will find no solace in this world or the next. This I swear before God. in nomine Patri, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti