Suicidal?

So we are all under extreme stress here both work and personal. Some of us are losing our families, personal belongings, etc. Most of us only have our job and let's face it, sometimes that can be pretty bad depending on your supervision.

My question is.. have you ever gone into a situation that you knew was on safe strictly because you just didn't care anymore? Tired of the overbearing supervisor that really does more to just break you down, make you want to leave a note, and go drop yourself in their office? Ever wished you would have that encounter that would send your family the money you will never be able to provide them otherwise?

Not saying these are anything a person would act on, but seriously; how common are these thoughts? Really just looking for reassurance there are others out there that have thoughts flash through there mind.

There is no where for you to turn. Yeah you have EAP, but let's face it..... it belongs to the agency. They WILL find out and you WILL lose your job. If that is all you have, then you have lost it all. Our insurance is a joke and will cause you to go into bankruptcy if you try to use it so forget about just talking to a doctor. Certainly can't talk to your overbearing supervisor(if you don't have a good one) as he most likely already threatens you and your peers with a "fitness for duty evaluations". Talk to the wrong co-worker and your done. Even if these are not things you ever see yourself truly doing, why are those thoughts there? I find it hard to believe that this is not a much more common phenomenon. I've never posted here but it has truly been something I've been curious about lately.

Where do YOU turn to? Even if you are not thinking about carrying these thoughts out, don't you think you would feel better knowing you are not the only one to have them or are you just that screwed up that you are the only one to have them?

I turn to God and he answers all of my questions. Plus, he forgives me and reminds me that I am placed on this planet to serve him. Always know that he has your back.

I have never posted on this forum before....ive read many many posts, but never replied. If you are having these feelings, please please please get some help! Talk to someone, a family member, a friend, a co worker you trust, someone! Thoughts and feelings like this are a sign, and you dont have to live with these thoughts in your head. Everyone goes through bad times, me included, but this profession is supposed to be a family, and if you cant turn to family in your time of need, then who can you turn to? I know i have a high member number, but ive been around long enough to know this job can be the cause of many problems in your personal life. Please talk to someone before these thoughts over take you and you do something you may regret.

BK

If you are questioning your ownself, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE find someone to talk to. There are some of us here that DO CARE about each other. There are our Chaplains, CISM people, friends or family.
In this line of work sometimes it does over-load one's mind,we see things most people should never have to encounter, it DOES put stress on our families and lets all face it, the pay is not the best, however, we have to make the best of what we have, and be Thankful. Times are tough right now for most of us, alot of us have had to down-size, there have been divorces, bankruptcy,and loosing our homes, but we continue to survive and move forward!
Please always remember ~ Suicide is a PERMANTANT soulution to a TEMPORARY problem.

Wishing you the best ~ talk to someone PLEASE if you find you are having these kinds of thoughts!

Buddy this job is very depressing. If you feel the way you describe in your post and need to talk to someone there are tons of individuals county wide that will listen and never speak a word of what you said. There is alot of name calling and hate spread on this board about agency members kissing up and screwing each other over, but I promise you that there are good ones out there who will get your back. Everyone of us has had hard times and needed to either vent about a policy change to cry about a loss of loved one or from stress of divorce. Find a sergeant who has been here a while like a Dennis Warren, Romano, Moran, Navarro, or Beery and talk with them. You don't need to work for them to talk to them. Most of them if you walked up to them and said hey sarge can I talk with you they would.

I had a problem one night and never worked with one of the above listed supervisors. I walked up to him and asked if we could talk in private. We did and he helped me square away the problem and get it taken care of. He could have blew the issue and cause a bunch of problems but he didn't, he just helped me out and that was it. I don't even think to this day he knows who I am or what his help did but it worked. They are good people and will help you out.

I would choose to talk to a supervisor instead of another deputy because most of the supervisors have been here longer and seen more, plus as deputies we tend to just brush things off easier and joke then a supervisor who is more of a father/mother figure.

If you needed to talk with a deputy there are tons of those available depending on where you work.

If you want to go outside of the agency and talk to someone find Kirk who teaches the CIT and talk with him, he is legally bound to keep everything confidential, or go see the Deputy Chief of Auburndale Police Department who was a Captain with PCSO for 25 years. He would be more than happy to help you out.

NEVER feel that you are alone. You are not the first person nor the last to feel this way so please please please sit down and talk with one of these fine individuals and get some help.

Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left one unexpended effort that might have saved the world.


Jane Addams

Peachy,
I am one of the aforementioned supervisors. I am a 35 year veteran of Law Enforcement .I am here.....I am willing to listen, while not the sharpest knife in the drawer I am by no means the dullest either.....we all have doubt and have questioned our purpose.....I have seen things I would love to forget but I also believe that there is Gods purpose for everyone that wear the a badge and believes in the oath they swear to...
.My heroes are those people and their families that make sacrifices for right and good and willfully stand in the way of evil....you are my hero....you can access my phone number with the information above ....the ball is in your court...call me anytime.

I work nights but leave a message.....
Dennis Warren