Not Silly Stuff

i dont mean to get off topic with Silly Stuff..but i have to comment on how pathetically sad it is that as ridiculous as those posts are its almost depressing that they are all based on true stories. it is a glaring example of how screwed up this administration is and the responsibility for their repeated floundering lays on the doorstep of the office of the chf. these are the results of poor choices that utilize ego and selfishness in making decisions. our bosses have always played the same game, coming to weak people as friends and covering their incompetence in exchange for extorting loyalty from them...loyalty that they have never been able to achieve on their own because they are themselves incapable of performing their jobs with genuine leadership. the bosses have taken these weak but loyal subjects and force-fed them through the ranks of bosses in order to better insulate themselves. the tragic end result, however, is the mishmash group of fools who now run this place like the land of village idiots. what all have the bosses have exchanged for their precious little security is competence. that is why we have a building that is falling apart, it is why we have inadequate training, inadequate pay, poor morale, wooden owls in the sally port, bird crap all all over the ground, computers that cant link to the rest of the county, gas pumps that give us a stupid receipt error everytime we pump, vpn's that shut down every 5 minutes, time cards that are due on friday having to be turned in wednesday, and everything else covered under the "this'll do" mentality. it is why a response to mass piles of avion fecal matter is not repairing a ceiling and calling a professional, but instead is chicken wire and an obscure report that says avion fecal matter is not really that harmful. what the bosses never seem to understand, no matter how many courses, books and seminars tell them, is that effective leadership and management comes from having leaders who have attained their position based on merit...based on their raw ability to face challenges and overcome them. not because they will benefit an individual but instead the organization. not for any of the various insane egomaniacal or selfish reasons our bosses have. they refuse to understand that no amount of kissing up, propping up, or covering up, will ever change the fact that when you have people in charge who are not there by merit, they will eventually be put to task and they will fail. that is the reason why they fail and our organization is the laughing stock of the county. it is why other dpeartments look at us and, "man i thought we were screwed up..." it will never change unless the goals of our adminstration cease to be the smoke and mirrors pretend world they live and become an place where the best are allowed to rise up and take us forward.

that being said, if anyone wishes to respond to this please do so on Silly Stuff. i would not want this depressing thread to be on top and at least we can all get a good laugh in every day. MEEP-MEEP!!!!!

Many of you know me for only a few things: my refusal to wear certain lady garments, my ability to work while injured, my inability to achieve a valid warrant, my lust for the perfect Marlboro, my equal loathing for Nicorette gum and the a**hole who invented it, or my undeniable kick-ass mullet…but perhaps I am known most for my hate of the word (and the very noun itself) of c**k…well except for one of course. It’s a long story that I’ve wanted to get off my wrinkled droop-boobed chest for almost my whole life, and now before my exile I must let the world know…let us begin.
It was the summer of ’53, I was 13 at the time (just legal in the state of Mississippi) and I had just finished dinner. It was one of my favorite meals, a meal to this day I still feel is the only meal complimented with candle light…Dinosaur Cheesy Mac. I was in the shower now washing my undeniable kick-ass mullet with my doctor prescribed dandruff shampoo when, I suddenly heard the door creak open like so many times before. I knew exactly who it was. He didn’t say a word to me, he never had to. And with the same respect I tried not to make a sound either, it was always easier with as little dialog as possible. Perhaps tonight he would do more than just watch, so I decided to take my chance and offer myself to the only man I knew could do me right. I slowly slid open the shower curtain to reveal my naked self with my undeniable kick-ass mullet. I had already lathered and rinsed but perhaps I could go through it again, it was always his favorite part of the show.
I was in the middle of letting the suds run down my crap-stained butt-crack while at the same time pinching my salami nipples to add just the hint of a tease that would, without a doubt, drive him wild. And I must say it was working, before I could bend over to pick up the soap I noticed the biggest bulge in his pants, and my mouth began to water just thinking of what was behind those overalls. The silence finally broke with the sexiest ‘Southern drawl’ I have ever heard him use, “Yo mama is wurkin late agin tonaht”. During that confession I kept my eyes closed, letting my heart skip a beat, my knees go weak and my undeniable kick-ass mullet remain undeniably kick-ass. When I opened my eyes back up I finally gazed upon what I have been waiting on for over 6 years.
He had unbuttoned his overalls to reveal the most beautiful piece of meat I had ever seen. As he stroked it I witnessed it getting longer and harder right inside his hands, and for the first time I actually felt jealousy for a body part. I could see every vein and with every pulse of it I could feel it inside me…I knew in my heart that this was the night.
I walked out of the shower forgetting to even dry myself or my undeniable kick-ass mullet, and as I went to grab his hand he quickly redirected it to his member, letting that guide me into the bedroom. Then, in a moment that will last forever in my mind, two undeniable kick-ass mullets came together that night. I believe for my sake he wanted to be gentle, considering that I haven’t had a chance to weed-whack my jungle bush yet, but I assured him I wanted to be treated like the tween I was…and that I had been a very bad girl.
It started with him throwing me on the bed and forcing me open, and you could almost see the green stink lines coming off of my jungle bush. It was the first time I had my ankles behind my head (in what he called the ‘Mississippi Pretzel’). And when he shoved it in me I watched my jungle bush split, parting ever so slightly and fully accepting that spear like a Venus Flytrap taking in a dung beetle. Every pump was faster and harder, the steam left over from the shower had mixed with the sweat on my crap-stained butt-crack to create an aroma I will never forget. At one point I thought he was going to break my pelvis! Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, he flipped me over on my hands and knees and spread my crap-stained butt-crack. I tried to turn around to witness his facial expression when he forced my head down in the pillow and grabbed my undeniable kick-ass mullet. He held that thing like handle bars, controlling the movement of my head with every thrust.
“If dis is wat heavin is like den jus snuff me nahw!”, I finally shouted into the pillow. To be honest that was the last clear thought I could remember, after that comment everything was combined into one wonderful scene of bliss. I knew when it was close to being over because his moans were growing louder and longer, I just wasn’t sure where to take the load. The only thing I asked him in a single plea was, “please, not on da undeniable kick-ass mullet”. He replied, “I wud neva do dat”. My legs began to shiver, knowing what was about to come from me, and in the most perfect of all timing his climax was incestuously matched by mine as I finally screamed, “DADDY!”
When it was over, we both just laid in bed, breathing heavy but worried to make eye contact, we had just done what is considered normal practice in Mississippi, but I was still nervous. Then before I knew it we both were startled by the sound of jingling keys on the front of the double-wide and we knew Mama was home. I jumped out of that bed almost as fast as he threw me on it and scurried to the door, I turned back to notice him staring at my crap-stained butt-crack as it was shaking with every step…and I couldn’t say I blamed him, I worked long and hard to keep that crap-stain symmetrical. As I jumped into my own bed, sticking to the sheets, I made sure my undeniable kick-ass mullet was in place so that it would not get ruined (I did have a reputation to uphold). I tried to drift off to sleep for hours but my mind was still racing with the events that just took place.
Of course that was the night I knew I would swear off man meat forever. Soon after that I tried out for the softball team (convinced all the girls that my undeniable kick-ass mullet should be in a museum) and started my muff-diving life. I tried everything since that night to replace the feeling of that beautiful piece of tube steak with its perfectly placed genital warts, but nothing compares to that glorious purple headed yogurt slinger, not a cucumber, termite infested tree branch, a Golden Retriever’s head, F-350 drive shaft…nothing could come close. That’s when I decided to start hating the world (mostly men), and unfortunately for the Hallandale Beach P.D. it’s also when I decided to become a cop. And now, every once in a while I’ll walk down stairs to take a look at the people who are doing the work I’m too good for, I mostly come down to view the ’94 picture of our fabulous Police/CSA crew. I wrote a letter to big Tommy one time in an attempt to air brush my undeniable kick-ass mullet on everyone else in the picture to make it the most amazing photo ever taken on the face of the earth, but big Tommy told me there is a lot more memorabilia on the wall and he couldn’t have a crowd gathering around just one. So as I leave you all I can only give one piece of advice (the only thing that ever really helped me). And that is simply…shoot a man in the a**, it’ll get you anywhere you want to go.
Thank you and God Bless….women.