11-11-2009, 06:51 AM
HEY FUTURE CRIMINAL! IF YOU WANT TO COMMIT A CRIME IN PALM BEACH COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFICE JURISDICTION, AND YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THE INSIDE OF THE JAIL. PLEASE USE THE FOLLOWING FIVE STEP PLAN. ITS A NO BRAIN, WIN WIN SITUATION FOR YOU. THIS PLAN HAS WORKED FOR MANY OTHER CRIMINALS JUST LIKE YOURSELF AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE THE FIRST TO EXPLOIT PBSO POLICY THAT WAS PUT IN PLACE BY THE ULTIMATELY JUST AND WISE PBSO BRASS!
NOW PAY ATTENTION FUTURE CRIMINAL, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOUR BUTT STAY OUT OF HANDCUFFS!
STEP ONE: OK, HOMEBOY, NOW I KNOW YOU WANT TO COMMIT CRIME, BUT YOU JUST CAN'T GO AROUND COMMITTING ANY CRIME YOU WANT. LISTEN UP THIS IS IMPORTANT STUFF! FIRST OF ALL, KEEP IT NON-VIOLENT AND PROPERTY RELATED. FOR EXAMPLE, TRY STEALING SOMETHING REALLY EXPENSIVE, IT'S FUN AND EASY, JUST MAKE SURE YOU DON'T HURT ANYONE, AND FOR GOD'S SAKES, NEVER EVER USE A WEAPON! IF YOU DO, YOU WILL LOSE AND JAIL WILL BE YOUR FUTURE. SO FOLLOW THIS STEP CAREFULLY, IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT OR ELSE PBSO WILL GET YOU!
STEP TWO: IF YOU SCREW THINGS UP, AND SOMEONE CALLS 911 ABOUT YOUR CRIME, AND YOU KNOW YOUR ABOUT TO BE ARRESTED BY A PBSO DEPUTY, GET TO A CAR, FAST HOMEY! NOTE THAT I DIDN'T SAY A FAST CAR, JUST A CAR, AS FAST AS YOU CAN. ANY CAR WILL DO. HECK, YOU CAN EVEN STEAL A CAR IF YOU LIKE. I'LL EXPLAIN ALL THIS LATER. MOVING ON.
STEP THREE: WHEN YOUR IN YOUR GETAWAY CAR AND YOU SEE A PBSO PATROL VEHICLE BEHIND YOU, WATCH FOR THE RED AND BLUE LIGHTS TURN ON. THAT IS YOUR QUE! REMEMBER, IF YOU FOLLOWED STEP ONE CORRECTLY YOUR ABOUT TO BE HOME FREE, HOMEBOY!
STEP FOUR: PUT YOUR FOOT ON THE GAS PEDAL AND DRIVE AWAY. THAT'S RIGHT, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU DRIVE SLOW OR FAST, JUST DRIVE AWAY! NOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT REMEMBER, AS LONG AS YOU YOU FOLLOWED STEP ONE TO MAX, YOU ARE FREE!
STEP FIVE: DON'T BE SCARED, YOU ARE HOME FREE, YOU JUST COMMITTED THE PERFECT CRIME. I WANT YOU TO LOOK BEHIND YOU AS THE PATROL CARS TURN OFF THE RED AND BLUE LIGHTS AND TURN AROUND. ISN'T IT AMAZING! THEY JUST TURNED AROUND AND LET YOU GO? SEE, HOMEBOY, PBSO DEPUTIES CAN'T CHASE YOU OR ANYONE ELSE AS LONG AS YOU COMMITTED NON-VIOLENT CRIMES, LIKE STEALING A CAR. THEY CAN'T EVEN TRY OR ELSE THEY WILL GET IN MORE TROUBLE THAN YOU WOULD. SEE PBSO BRASS THINK YOU AREN'T WORTH IT, AND THE PUBLIC WILL BE BETTER SERVED IF CRIMINALS CAN DO WHAT EVER THEY WANT. THEY ACTUALLY STOP THE DEPUTIES FROM DOING THEIR JOB. I KNOW...IT ALL SOUNDS CRAZY, IT'S NOT LIKE THE POLICE CHASES YOU SEE ON T.V. BUT IT'S THE TRUTH. PBSO BRASS ACTUALLY HAVE DEPUTIES UNDER INTERNAL AFFAIRS INVESTIGATION FOR TRYING TO CATCH CRIMINALS FOR BREAKING THE LAW. CRAZY STUFF HUH, HOMEBOY?
WELL HOMEBOY IT'S TIME TO GO, SCHOOL IS OUT FOR NOW. REMEMBER, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, COMMITTING CRIMES AND SUCH. MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW THIS PLAN. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST FOLLOW THE RULES. GOD KNOWS PBSO DEPUTIES HAVE TO! PEACE OUT!
NOW PAY ATTENTION FUTURE CRIMINAL, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOUR BUTT STAY OUT OF HANDCUFFS!
STEP ONE: OK, HOMEBOY, NOW I KNOW YOU WANT TO COMMIT CRIME, BUT YOU JUST CAN'T GO AROUND COMMITTING ANY CRIME YOU WANT. LISTEN UP THIS IS IMPORTANT STUFF! FIRST OF ALL, KEEP IT NON-VIOLENT AND PROPERTY RELATED. FOR EXAMPLE, TRY STEALING SOMETHING REALLY EXPENSIVE, IT'S FUN AND EASY, JUST MAKE SURE YOU DON'T HURT ANYONE, AND FOR GOD'S SAKES, NEVER EVER USE A WEAPON! IF YOU DO, YOU WILL LOSE AND JAIL WILL BE YOUR FUTURE. SO FOLLOW THIS STEP CAREFULLY, IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT OR ELSE PBSO WILL GET YOU!
STEP TWO: IF YOU SCREW THINGS UP, AND SOMEONE CALLS 911 ABOUT YOUR CRIME, AND YOU KNOW YOUR ABOUT TO BE ARRESTED BY A PBSO DEPUTY, GET TO A CAR, FAST HOMEY! NOTE THAT I DIDN'T SAY A FAST CAR, JUST A CAR, AS FAST AS YOU CAN. ANY CAR WILL DO. HECK, YOU CAN EVEN STEAL A CAR IF YOU LIKE. I'LL EXPLAIN ALL THIS LATER. MOVING ON.
STEP THREE: WHEN YOUR IN YOUR GETAWAY CAR AND YOU SEE A PBSO PATROL VEHICLE BEHIND YOU, WATCH FOR THE RED AND BLUE LIGHTS TURN ON. THAT IS YOUR QUE! REMEMBER, IF YOU FOLLOWED STEP ONE CORRECTLY YOUR ABOUT TO BE HOME FREE, HOMEBOY!
STEP FOUR: PUT YOUR FOOT ON THE GAS PEDAL AND DRIVE AWAY. THAT'S RIGHT, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU DRIVE SLOW OR FAST, JUST DRIVE AWAY! NOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT REMEMBER, AS LONG AS YOU YOU FOLLOWED STEP ONE TO MAX, YOU ARE FREE!
STEP FIVE: DON'T BE SCARED, YOU ARE HOME FREE, YOU JUST COMMITTED THE PERFECT CRIME. I WANT YOU TO LOOK BEHIND YOU AS THE PATROL CARS TURN OFF THE RED AND BLUE LIGHTS AND TURN AROUND. ISN'T IT AMAZING! THEY JUST TURNED AROUND AND LET YOU GO? SEE, HOMEBOY, PBSO DEPUTIES CAN'T CHASE YOU OR ANYONE ELSE AS LONG AS YOU COMMITTED NON-VIOLENT CRIMES, LIKE STEALING A CAR. THEY CAN'T EVEN TRY OR ELSE THEY WILL GET IN MORE TROUBLE THAN YOU WOULD. SEE PBSO BRASS THINK YOU AREN'T WORTH IT, AND THE PUBLIC WILL BE BETTER SERVED IF CRIMINALS CAN DO WHAT EVER THEY WANT. THEY ACTUALLY STOP THE DEPUTIES FROM DOING THEIR JOB. I KNOW...IT ALL SOUNDS CRAZY, IT'S NOT LIKE THE POLICE CHASES YOU SEE ON T.V. BUT IT'S THE TRUTH. PBSO BRASS ACTUALLY HAVE DEPUTIES UNDER INTERNAL AFFAIRS INVESTIGATION FOR TRYING TO CATCH CRIMINALS FOR BREAKING THE LAW. CRAZY STUFF HUH, HOMEBOY?
WELL HOMEBOY IT'S TIME TO GO, SCHOOL IS OUT FOR NOW. REMEMBER, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, COMMITTING CRIMES AND SUCH. MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW THIS PLAN. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST FOLLOW THE RULES. GOD KNOWS PBSO DEPUTIES HAVE TO! PEACE OUT!