Cruiser Sex 101

[Unregistered]

Rule number one:

Make sure you do not lock yourself in the back of a caged cruiser while having sex. This rule will keep you from having to call for backup on your portable. Two officers from my former department learned the hard way from this mistake. Of course, white shirts and detectives are exempt from this rule.

Rule number two:

Never have sex on the hood of a marked car behind a shopping center at night. There's always a janitor that will pop out a door heading to the dumpster. A definite mood killer. One of our midnight supervisors and a female rookie were caught with their pants down. I guess the janitor got a real lesson in community policing at its best.

Rule number three:

Never have sex in a bucket seat because of all those lights and siren switches on the center console. That way, you won't make the mistake of thinking that your partner is the one making that wailing sound.

Rule number four:

Never engage in cruiser sex while you are on the job. Keep in mind that you are considered on the job, 24/7/365. The forensic examination of a rape victim in the field won't work here.

Rule number five:

Make sure your body cam is turned off. Look at the bright side, if fired you can always sell the video as a porn star.

Rule number six:

Get a room when considering having cruiser sex. This choice is the preferred one. By showing them the respect they deserve, you won't have to worry about violating Rules one through five.

[Unregistered]

Sgt. RB had new girl up on her hood. You think he would have know her car needed oil, he spent a lot time up against her grill.

[Unregistered]

Rule number one:

Make sure you do not lock yourself in the back of a caged cruiser while having sex. This rule will keep you from having to call for backup on your portable. Two officers from my former department learned the hard way from this mistake. Of course, white shirts and detectives are exempt from this rule.

Rule number two:

Never have sex on the hood of a marked car behind a shopping center at night. There's always a janitor that will pop out a door heading to the dumpster. A definite mood killer. One of our midnight supervisors and a female rookie were caught with their pants down. I guess the janitor got a real lesson in community policing at its best.

Rule number three:

Never have sex in a bucket seat because of all those lights and siren switches on the center console. That way, you won't make the mistake of thinking that your partner is the one making that wailing sound.

Rule number four:

Never engage in cruiser sex while you are on the job. Keep in mind that you are considered on the job, 24/7/365. The forensic examination of a rape victim in the field won't work here.

Rule number five:

Make sure your body cam is turned off. Look at the bright side, if fired you can always sell the video as a porn star.

Rule number six:

Get a room when considering having cruiser sex. This choice is the preferred one. By showing them the respect they deserve, you won't have to worry about violating Rules one through five.

Carlos? Monica? Did you follow these rules?