Dear PD,

I forgot my wallet in a dept. store at the mall and it shouldn't be my fault! I hear that your'e ok with accusing random people of theft based on someones assumptions. We must have crossed paths several times without meeting. Are you the dept. that I have been dreaming of? Are we star-crossed soulmates? Are you my Romeo? I am a pretty big deal in my own mind and I need someone like you to support my delusions.

When can we get together and grill random shoppers for information on crimes that they never committed? I'll be the victim and you can be my hero! Hopefully we can make some frivolous arrests along the way. It will be a magical time! After that we can go out for frappuccinos or a long walk on the beach.

I'll be your Goose if you be my Maverick.

Our parents don't have to know.

Sincerely,

Your most self-entitled resident of 33180.