Budget Cut Simulation Letter

Remember, at least one smile or laugh makes your day a little better in these troubling times, so I hope the moderator posts this. On that note check this hypothetical letter out.:



As a result of the money budgeted for departmental areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under our new plan, older employees will be asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the younger, lower costing employees that represent our future plans. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. This program will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retired Aged Personnel Early).

Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to look for other jobs outside the department, provided they are raped. They can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the program is called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This phase of the program is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of this simulated pending policy, an employee may be RAPED once, SCREWED TWICE but SHAFTED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedures, he or she will be entitled to get H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Earlly Severance) or C.L.A.P.
(Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment). As HERPES and CLAP are considered Benefit Plans, any employee who has received HERPES and/or CLAP will no longer be RAPED, SCREWED or SHAFTED by Management.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the Office will continue its policy to ensure that employees are well trained through our Special High Intensity Training program (S.H.I.T) The Office takes pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. are employees receive. We have given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other company in the State. If any employee does not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor will make sure that you receive all of the S.H.I.T. you can stand.

Thank you for your cooperation and get back to work!

That by far was the best post I have ever read on any bolg. Keep the jokes coming!!! By the way I have 22 years on and want to retire early with a defined pension not an investment, How will this work in the new plan? Will I get RAPED, SCREWED, or what?

Great post keep it up!

That by far was the best post I have ever read on any bolg. Keep the jokes coming!!! By the way I have 22 years on and want to retire early with a defined pension not an investment, How will this work in the new plan? Will I get RAPED, SCREWED, or what?

Great post keep it up!

You will get BLOWN, or Based on Last Occupation Worth Nothing. Thank you Broward County Board of Corrupt County Commissioners. :snicker:

This was hilarious.....

Love it

Excellent! This is one of the most forward-thinking and well written posts I have ever read! Do not underestimate the power of your words. I'm sure mgmt of BSO (or past mgmt of BSO who now work for MCSO) are taking detailed notes of your assessment and are currently outlining plans to implement a policy that will closely mimic you proposal! God knows LE agencies don't need experienced cops, we have nothing to offer and are far too cost ineffecient!

Veteran to veteran - be safe and keep going home at the end of every shift! We are what matters - we are what stand between peacefulness and lawlessness, whether mgmt thinks so or not! Stay safe.

Just telling it like it is.....glad to give you a laugh! :mrgreen:

Hey arresteddevelopment that was $%^&#$^ funny. ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


At the end you forgot put the mandatory BSO "Team Credo"


3.5 more years of listening to that lame slogan.

3.5 more years of listening to that lame slogan.

You don't have to.....but I expect you will.

We are still awaiting the new General Order. Time is running out as July 1 is almost upon us!