09-30-2006, 09:12 PM
Rules of Modern Law Enforcement
>
>
>
> Narcotics units
> Immediately grow facial hair, tell everybody you were ordered to.
> Start watching every episode of Monster Garage.
> Buy a biker wallet with a big chain.
> Make every case involve overtime $$$.
> Buy bunches of boats, RV's, and motorcycles with that overtime.
> Learn to play golf drunk.
>
> SWAT units
> Wear team T-shirts, Oakley sunglasses and boots everyday.
> Try to fit the word breach in to every conversation.
> Have a mirror handy to check hair, if you have hair.
> Never say hello to anyone who is not an operator, just practice your SWAT
> head nod.
> Subscribe to Soldier of Fortune and Muscle and ! Fitness .
> Learn to play golf wearing a gun.
>
> Community Service units
> Hate SWAT.
> Work to make everybody love you.
> Paint your office in pastel colors.
> Think Feng Shui.
> Subscribe to Psychology Today.
> Learn to play miniature golf.
>
> Traffic units
> Write tickets to EVERYBODY.
> Spend every weekend cleaning your bike and polishing boots.
> Annoy everyone on the radio calling out your stops.
> Talk about nothing but how many tickets you wrote in one day.
> Ride by a building with big windows to see your reflection.
> Golf is lame, motor rodeos are cool.
>
>
>
> Administrative Units
> Three-hour lunches everyday, tell everybody it's a meeting.
> Upgrade department cell phone every month.
> Tell everybody you are published in a national law enforcement magazine.
> Update your revenge list on a weekly basis.
> Golf Rules! Play lots of golf.
>
> Patrol Units
>
> Has nerves of steel.
> In a terminal state of nausea from department politics.
> Inability to keep mouth shut.
> Has defining tastes in alcohol.
> Is respected by peers.
> Beats the crap out of his caddy on any bogeyed shot.
>
>
>
> Detective Bureau
>
> Solve no crime before it's overtime.
>
> Learn to play golf while on duty.
>
> Develop important leads for cases somewhere near home right after lunch.
>
> See how far from city you can actually go to lunch without getting caught
>
>
>
> Narcotics units
> Immediately grow facial hair, tell everybody you were ordered to.
> Start watching every episode of Monster Garage.
> Buy a biker wallet with a big chain.
> Make every case involve overtime $$$.
> Buy bunches of boats, RV's, and motorcycles with that overtime.
> Learn to play golf drunk.
>
> SWAT units
> Wear team T-shirts, Oakley sunglasses and boots everyday.
> Try to fit the word breach in to every conversation.
> Have a mirror handy to check hair, if you have hair.
> Never say hello to anyone who is not an operator, just practice your SWAT
> head nod.
> Subscribe to Soldier of Fortune and Muscle and ! Fitness .
> Learn to play golf wearing a gun.
>
> Community Service units
> Hate SWAT.
> Work to make everybody love you.
> Paint your office in pastel colors.
> Think Feng Shui.
> Subscribe to Psychology Today.
> Learn to play miniature golf.
>
> Traffic units
> Write tickets to EVERYBODY.
> Spend every weekend cleaning your bike and polishing boots.
> Annoy everyone on the radio calling out your stops.
> Talk about nothing but how many tickets you wrote in one day.
> Ride by a building with big windows to see your reflection.
> Golf is lame, motor rodeos are cool.
>
>
>
> Administrative Units
> Three-hour lunches everyday, tell everybody it's a meeting.
> Upgrade department cell phone every month.
> Tell everybody you are published in a national law enforcement magazine.
> Update your revenge list on a weekly basis.
> Golf Rules! Play lots of golf.
>
> Patrol Units
>
> Has nerves of steel.
> In a terminal state of nausea from department politics.
> Inability to keep mouth shut.
> Has defining tastes in alcohol.
> Is respected by peers.
> Beats the crap out of his caddy on any bogeyed shot.
>
>
>
> Detective Bureau
>
> Solve no crime before it's overtime.
>
> Learn to play golf while on duty.
>
> Develop important leads for cases somewhere near home right after lunch.
>
> See how far from city you can actually go to lunch without getting caught