JABBA News

Where's our JABBA reporter? Can someone please email the staff @ 13-8 and get them on board with this new forum? Thanks.

wgaf about jabba?

Where's our JABBA reporter? Can someone please email the staff @ 13-8 and get them on board with this new forum? Thanks.

Moscow (P&P News) - Jaba landed at Moscow International Airport with her entourage. There she was met by Russia's First Lady, Ludmilla Putin. Due to security concerns Jaba was escorted to her awaiting Zil Limosine and departed for the Kremlin.

At the Kremlin she first paid visit to Annunciation Cathedral and paid homage to the tombs of the Czars of Russia. Jaba was then sprinkled with holy water and incense by Patriarch Pimen, Patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church, of all the Russias, Lower Russia, Upper Russia and any other Russia you can think of. She was declared a "Defender of Christendom" for her support of faith based correctional programs.

Jaba was then escorted to the tomb of Vladimir Lenin, and commented how life like he looked after 85 years of being on ice. She asked how many offenders were doing their CSW hours to help keep things clean and tidy around Red Square. Jaba was then treated to a military parade on top of the Lenin Mausoleum with President Putin. Close to 1 million Muscovites crammed Red Square to hear Jaba's speach. They clapped wildly as Jaba spoke that she loved Vodka and caviar. She expressed amazement at the Russian alphabet but was calmed when she saw the Golden Arches of McDonald's not far from Red Square.

After a rousing speech before the Russian Parliament Jaba and her workerbees made way by train to St. Petersburg. Like General George Patton, Jaba professed and interest in reincarnation and felt that in an earlier life she had been in Moscow and St. Petersburg before. Jaba and her workerbees were given a tour of the Hermitage, the summer residence of Catherine the Great. Jaba had particular interest in the great Czarina's "watercloset", a portable commode that could be wheeled around whenever in need. Jaba noted that the dead Empress became quite corpulent in her later years and according to legend was found dead while in her water closet.

Jaba immediately sent in a purchase order for a water closet to be sent to her in Iraq. Purchasing at DOC stated that one of the prison work shops would be able to construct one at little cost to the state. Russian authorities immediately sent the plans and designs to CO.

After Jaba's visit to the Hermitage she returned to Moscow and she wore her fatigues but with Prada pumps to the Bolshoi Ballet for the premier of "Jaba - A Musical". Two people were crushed trying to get into the theatre. It has surpassed the expectations of the harshest of critics for its prose, beauty and drama.

The following day Jaba and her workerbees began DT and high altitude parachute jumping with the Russian Army at an undisclosed location in the Crimea. Jaba has particular interest that her crack WPSO's will be able to type VOP's on laptops while descending from the plane to ground in order that time is not lost.

The Iraqi Provisional Government noted that they are tracking Jaba's progression across Europe and look forward to her setting up command of the new Iraqi P&P Authority soon.

Stay tuned.

The Jaba posts are very funny. Someone is very creative. :lol:

Ahhh ... got my fix. :lol:

WHO WRITES THIS STUFF? WE AT 13-? LOOK FOR THESE JABBA POSTS EVERYDAY. WE LOVED THE ONES "JABBA VISITS CONGRESS", JABBA VISITS LONDON PARIS AND ROME". THE WATERCLOSET STORY WAS HYSTERICAL. THANKS.

Dear Edward R. Murrow Award Winner,

We have't much longer. It's only a few months away before JABBA's retirement. Have you received any tips on where she might retire to? And where is her next stop on this world tour? :P

What about JABBA THE RUNT? [/quote]

Jaba the Runt: "If anyone has the lady watercloset key, return it. Thanks you." :twisted:

Are you proud of your RUNT? A degenerate as yourself would be. :x

JABBA JABBA JABBA JABBA JABBA JABBA JABBA JABBA JABBA

HAPPY HUT DAY JABBA!

:lol:

[Merlin]

We have't much longer. It's only a few months away before JABBA's retirement. Have you received any tips on where she might retire to? And where is her next stop on this world tour?

Hmmm, perhaps 13-2?

Watch out Riverview, Ross rides again!!

Tel Aviv (P&P News) Jaba and her workerbees finished DT and High Altitude Parachute jumping with the Russian Army in Crimea Province. After some confusion from area residents who were fearful of an alien attack they were delighted to see Jaba on maneuvers in Southern Russia along with her crack WPSO's. While resting at President Putin's dacha on the Black Sea Jaba held an extraordinary press conference that her new lead CSC would be no other than outgoing CIA director Porter Goss thus ending speculation on Goss's departure from the CIA.
Director Goss stated that he and his team of case review analyists would not be "bean counters" but would be there to assist officers with high profile cases in Iraq. Jaba was appointed head of the Iraqi Probation and Parole Authority.

In addition, Jaba also announced that her Office will be in the Green zone of Baghdad but stressed it will be more than 2500 feet from the Iraqi Parliament' day care center.

Jaba then boarded Air Force One for Tel Aviv and then on to Jerusalem to confer with our Israeli allies. Before departing Israel Jaba announced in Tel Aviv that while in Jerusalem she wanted to stop and cry at the Wailing Wall. She stated that she had much to cry about. She also announced that she wanted to stop in Bethlehem to pick up Christmas cards that are discounted and on sale not far from the manger. She doubted that she would be able to find Christmas cards in Iraq during her stay. Jaba also announced that she and her worker bees will be practicing more parachute jumping in the Golan Heights. The Syrians were estatic to hear that Jaba is finally in the Middle East. Jaba's popularity is shared by persons of all faiths and creeds. She professed that she had little interest in the Davinci Code because she does employ little albino monks as confidential informants.

Jaba also visited the Sea of Gallilee where Jesus walked on water and was impressed with the site. Israelis in the Knesset clapped wildly for Jaba with her skills in speaking Hebrew. She told the Knesset that she loves bagels, cream cheese and lox. Jaba sported her sand colored fatigues but also wore her new Prada red pumps in honor of her visit to the Knesset.

Jaba will then take a day side trip to visit Egypt and the tombs of the pharoahs. Like General George Patton, Jaba believes in reincarnation and feels a close kin to Queen Nefertiti in a previous life. Jaba and her worker bees then headed off for a day of site seeing in the Negev Desert and for training on how to handle and treat Scorpion poisoning.

Speaking for those who once knew JABBA and are flipping over in their graves, giving great applause. :)

Please keep us updated.

who writes this stuff? very creative and funny!! :lol:

Ross is always welcome here at Riverview. She has a large base of followers here, so flake off!!

TO OUR BUDDING WRITER:

KEEP OF THE GREAT COMEDY AND SATIRE. WE NEED A LITTLE OF IT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE? WHERE IS JABBA OFF TO NEXT ON HER TOUR? :lol:

Ross is always welcome here at Riverview. She has a large base of followers here, so flake off!!

She shops.

She lunches.

She parks where she wants.

And lets you do whatever you want too...

She's just the picture perfect "DOC Employee of the Month" isn't she?

YOU MEAN SHE HAS A LARGE BASE OF FARTS. :P

[Merlin]

Ross is always welcome here at Riverview. She has a large base of followers here, so flake off!!

Is 13-2 really that bad? :(

IF IT ISN'T, IT WILL BE NOW! :shock:

IF IT ISN'T, IT WILL BE NOW!


TOO TRUE!! :lol:

do you think she will beckon for her runt?

get out the "no parking sign".

Jabba should be happy. She'll be back with her old buddy MB. Those two have some stories to tell.

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL
WHO'S THE WICKEDEST OF THEM ALL
IT'S GAIL RED****

NO NO
I'M THE WICKEDEST OF THEM ALL

I NEED AN APPLE. WHERE ARE THOSE APPLES? OR MAYBE SOME PIE. YES, PIE. LOT'S OF PIES. (BURP)

do you think she will beckon for her runt?

We can only hope.
[/code]

JABBA IS WASTE (PEWW). GET RID OF HER!

Now we can't let all these great postings go to waste.

It's time for a JABBA report. 8)

I concur. I'm jonesing for a Jabba report.

Now we can't let all these great postings go to waste.

It's time for a JABBA report. 8)

Did they roll out the red carpet for her @ 13-2?

It was more like her rolling on it.

The woman is a nightmare.

I heard that Butch Brown wants to transfer to 132 when Jabba leaves. Anyone have info in him?

AMMAN (P&P NEWS) - JABA CROSSED THE JORDAN RIVER AND HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE WITH KING ABDULLAH AND QUEEN RANIA AT THE ROYAL PALACE. JABA AND HER CRACK P&P OFFICERS, WPSO'S AND CSC'S WERE TRAINING IN THE FIELD WITH DT, AK47 AND FIELD ARTILLERY TRAINING PRIOR TO ASSUMING COMMAND OF THE NEW IRAQI P&P AUTHORITY.

JABA ANNOUNCED THAT SHE BOUGHT A WHOLE FLEET OF CAMELS FOR P&P OFFICERS TO USE IN THE FIELD. LOCAL TRIBESMEN IN THE SINAI WERE ABLE TO TAKE THE DEPARTMENT'S P-CARD AS THE PURCHASE WAS UNDER $100,000.00. JABA WARNED ALL PERSONNEL THAT THEY WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO CHARGE THE STATE 44.5/MILE IN GAS. SHE INDICATED THAT HAY AND GRASS WOULD HAVE TO BE BOUGHT BUT THE STATE IS WORKING OUT AN AGREEMENT FOR THE CAMELS' FUEL BY SENDING OUT AN RFP. JABA ALSO NOTED THAT HER CRACK WPSO'S ARE ABLE TO CONTINUE TYPING WARRANTS AND VOPS WHILE RIDING THE CAMEL. JABA WAS APPLAUDED WILDLY FOR HER INGENUITY IN THIS MATTER.

JABA ALSO ANSWERED CONCERNS REGARDING THE TREATMENT OF SEX OFFENDERS AND HERDS OF SHEEP IN IRAQ. UNDER NEW DOC POLICY NO SEX OFFENDER WILL BE ALLOWED TO HERD SHEEP OR GOATS. JABA ASKED THAT THE ARAB MEDIA ASSURE ALL SHEEP THAT THEY WILL HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR AND THAT SEX OFFENDERS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED WITH ABUSE OF SHEEP. THE SHEEP UNION REPRESENTATIVE WAS RELIEVED AND PRESENTED JABA AND HER TEAM WITH NEW WOOL COATS FOR THE COLD DESERT NIGHTS IN IRAQ.

WHILE TRAINING JABA HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO CLIMB MOUNT SINAI, THE SITE OF THE THE GIVING OF THE 10 COMMANDMENTS. JABA SPENT SEVERAL DAYS ON SINAI AND CAME DOWN FROM THE MOUNT WITH THE 10 STANDARD CONDITIONS OF PROBATION ENGRAVED ON TABLETS FOR ALL TO SEE. MAKING HER WAY BACK TO JORDAN, JABA AND HER TEAM ALONG WITH THE NEWLY PURCHASED DOC CAMELS CROSSED THE RED SEA. THEY WAITED AT THE EDGE OF THE SEA FOR THE WATERS TO PART FOR SEVERAL DAYS. JABA INSTRUCTED ONE OF HER CSC'S TO CALL CHARLTON HESTON ON HOW HE WAS ABLE TO GET THE SEA TO PART AND AS A LAST RESORT, JABA, THE STAFF, CAMELS AND MEDIA ENTOURAGE CROSSED THE RED SEA BY SIMPLY FLOATING ACROSS.

JABA RETURNED TO AMMAN FOR A STATE DINNER WITH THE KING AND QUEEN OF JORDAN AND SHE REITERATED, OVER A DINNER OF GOAT ENTRAILS SERVED OVER COUS COUS THAT A NEW P&P LEADER IS COMING TO IRAQ AND THAT THERE WILL BE A "ZERO TOLERANCE" FOR OFFENDERS. JABA ALSO MET WITH A VARIETY OF TENT MAKERS WHO LEFT THEIR MEETINGS DELIGHTED THAT JABA WILL BE USING THE FAITH BASED VENDOR PROGRAM WITH NEW ORDERS FOR TENTS AS WELL AS COMFORTABLE CLOTHING FOR LARGE DOC STAFF.

JABA ENDED HER NEWS CONFERENCE BY NOTING THAT SHE WILL TRAVEL TO IRAQ BY WAY OF SYRIA. STOPS IN LEBANON ARE PLANNED AFTER JABA'S FULL APOLOGY TO THE LEBANESE GOVERNMENT. JABA TOLD A NEWS REPORTER THAT SHE KNEW MANY "LESBANESE" PEOPLES OVER THE YEARS YET WASN'T QUITE SURE WHY THEY WANTED A COUNTRY ALL THEIR OWN. THANKFULLY THE STATE DEPARTMENT WAS ABLE TO CLEAR UP THIS MISUNDERSTANDING. JABA ALSO INDICATED THAT SHE WOULD BE TOURING THE GOLAN HEIGHTS WITH HER STAFF FOR MOUNTAIN CLIMBING PRACTICE WHILE ON THE WAY TO SYRIA.

Gotta like that Jabba news.

whoever puts those by-lines together on Jabba is fantastic. It's like he/she knows Jabba all too well. It would just be like her to mix up the words of "LEBANESE" with 'LESBIANESE".

Ah, I can sleep tonight after my Jabba fix.

Many thanks.

Circuit I will trade Dana Walker for the Jabba. Nobody would trade Gail Red**** so her officers will try you guys. Takers?

No Trade. They both need to be DISCIPLINED!

But ours weighs less than yours. Look at the poundage you're saving!

COME ON. WHERE'S OUR JABA REPORTER? HIS/HER BY-LINES ARE HYSTERICAL. WE ALL LOVE READING THEM IN OUR OFFICE. MY SUP. HAD TEARS RUNNING DOWN HER FACE ABOUT JABA AND THE SHEEP - JABA AND THE LESBANSE - JABA AND THE CAMELS.

COME ON. ITS TIME FOR A JABA FIX!!!!!!

Maybe she's under cover in N Korea.

JABBA knows all about being under the covers. Not these days but long, long ago in a ...

EWWW!!!

THE MENTAL IMAGES... :shock: ...MAKE THEM GO AWAY!!!!

Hey, where's our Jabba Report??

I'm jonesing here.

I think our star reporter got locked out.