03-15-2013, 03:01 PM
A lot went on today in N. Bay Village. It was contract negotiation time for the City and the FOP. The agency representing the cops has been stonewalled by the Chief in prior negotiations. It didn’t go so well last time but today went a little smoother.
My notes are a little sketchy but I will present it to the best of my ability.
First off the FOP Team was informed that the negotiations would take place in City Hall at the 1700 Building. FOP and Company headed that way and started to enter when someone noticed a bunch of dead ****roaches doing the chicken on the floor just inside the door. After a few minutes of discussion they remembered that the building had been closed up because of the poison gas thing that put a couple of officers down a few days ago. Peeking around the corner was Chief you know who, watching to see if they entered. It would have been a win for him if they had. So, back they went to have the meeting elsewhere with me right behind.
When everyone was at the new place everyone got down to business. The Chief had his needs and the police theirs, so here are some of the things discussed and the order may be inaccurate, but only the order, everything else is accurate, I swear to God!
The Chief wanted to have an extension on the Police Bill of Rights thing where you have only 180 days to take action on discipline. He wanted it extended to 5 years, double his current ongoing investigation of the Latin Lady. Rightly, the FOP declined but Bobby, being himself, wouldn’t let it go. He requested that when she was being investigated she be required to stand up in front of him at attention. He said that it was a sign of respect when addressing a senior Officer of his Omniscience. The FOP guys saw this as a minor thing for her to stand with her stomach in and chest out so they agreed saving the big stuff for later. The Chief seemed to suppress a slight smile but I couldn’t be sure because I was distracted when Latin Lady left angry with her stomach in and chest out. Good thing she was a few steps from the door or she would never had made the turn.
Up next was the whiner who had arrived with his personal Attorney. He was representing his squad and demanded that everyone on his squad get a 10% raise as they were specially trained. That was a very reasonable and minor demand because he is a Corporal, has no squad, works fluctuating hours and reports to no one because the Attorney he has with him is very good and no one will F with him. He was quickly denied. Having never attended any anger management classes he got very angry, looked around the room to see if The Cruzer was there, then went out into the hallway and assaulted someone. He immediately returned, denied it and was believed by everyone.
Next I think the tall lady Sgt. came rushing in, she apologized for being late for the negotiations stating that she was getting her hair done and Lt. McC had given her permission to be tardy this one time. Her request was simple, as she only wanted an additional 1300 hours of sick time a year, nothing for anybody else, just more sick time for her. Reasoning, she has kids. Additionally it is a pain calling in sick and then having to change it to Comp. time so as not to lose the time and a half later on. She continued explaining that even with butterball’s help, people were catching on. The Chief, realizing that the Department couldn’t run without her, granted the request. About this time a BOLO came out over one of the police radios informing every one of a drive by shooting that had occurred earlier at the Margate Detective Bureau Building and the Coconut Creek P.D. Station. The tall lady quickly said “Everyone sees me here right? Check your watches”. She then left saying she had to get in some sleep prior to work.
Mr. Puleo, the union negotiator, was pleased with this concession from Daniels, his old buddy from way back in the day. So he volunteered not to make any more I.A. Complaints against N. Bay Village Officers this year like he had made in the past (which was two). I don’t know if the Chief was happy with this because there were other officers that needed investigating, the real sneaky trouble makers I was to find out later.
The whiner jumped up and stated that he would take up where Puleo left off if he was given one cheese sandwich a day along with his squads 10%. Daniels said that was food for thought as he jotted down some notes. Now I can read handwriting upside down and I think, but am not positive, he wrote something like “Request another $1.2 million in budget for, back pay, attorney’s fees, investigative fees etc.” Big Mo chimed in saying he would assist the whiner because he (big Mo) knew how to write long fictionalized complaints, just don’t hold me to spelling.
There were a couple of old guys there whom I first mistook for bank security guards or Wal- Mart greeters. I later realized they worked for the Department and had been around when the area was still a swamp and had probably fought with the Indians for a dry place to crap. They requested that the acceptable arrival time after being dispatched to a call be extended to 10 minutes to keep them within the acceptable arrival guidelines. They also wanted a bottle of Geritol every day and a cheese sandwich. This request seemed to affect the whiner somehow who again proceeded outside, stomped someone, returning back inside to claim self defense. Again, everyone believed it because he showed them a red mark on his chest. That made the Chief happy.
There were two cool black guys there that I took to be representing the black populace of the City. They just laughed and smirked, they were making sure whitey didn’t get too much of their tax money I guess.
Next a guy referred to as Butterball stood up and requested a shorter work day for himself. Explaining that getting to work at 10:30 a.m. and staying till the wee hours in the afternoon (1:30 p.m.) was taking a toll on his health. Another concern of his was that he be given an hour and a half a day to work out for his health, adding that he would take the time off at the beginning or end of his long work day, whatever was convenient for him. Daniels apologized for not realizing that Butterball was working so hard and putting in such a long work day. Daniels stated this could be arranged if the union would drop that pesky, minor nepotism clause. Everyone agreed making room for the next topic.
The next request was from a heavy friendly looking cop who was all mellowed out. He wanted to see the City PPPPPPPPPPPPsychologist (again?) because he said that this place was more F’d up now then when they fired him two years ago. He wanted to make sure this wasn’t all just in his head because nothing is could be like this in the real world. He tried to work out another two year paid vacation but was shouted down when others stated “NO” we already have someone else on a two year paid vacation who will be back soon, so give others a chance and share you greedy B.
Another bald heavy guy stood up and he asked to be allowed to work more than 29 hours a week (aren’t work weeks 40 hours?). Anyway, before anyone could answer, Butterball stood up and offered some of his long hours if he (29 hour guy) would quit whining.
As I sat there I thought to myself, I better move around a lot or these three might eat me. Followed by, if I was being chased by these guys all I would have to do is hide out in a Gym because obviously gyms are invisible to them or, run by a McDonalds and they would stop…chase over, escape complete.
Standing up next was a tall skinny guy who was continually holding his balls with both hands and talking in an unnaturally high voice. He requested more detectives in his Bureau, because six detectives weren’t enough to cover the mean streets of N. Bay Village. He also wanted the detective position to be a permanent position due to the fact that they had a secret hide out bureau room at the 1666 Kennedy Causeway Building on the fourth floor and if any of his men left the squad to work elsewhere, he would have to kill them to perpetuate the secret of the snake’s lair. He was assured by Daniels that he would never have to kill anyone for no one else in the Department would ever be asked to be a Detective due to their (the others) inability to tell a lie or even do cover-ups. All that the current detectives had to do to insure their position was to tell truth as the Chief sees it. To this, ball boy quickly stuck out his tongue and appeared to taste the air as he smoothly slid away in happiness.
The next cop who stood up was round of belly and bald of head, he asked only that a spell check be installed on his computer. This for some unknown reason set the whiner off and he screamed at round of belly and bald of head “what you need is to go to the next two F’ing gun shows and take four G-Damn gun safety courses at each show”. Round of belly and bald of head was very polite and swore he would attend to which the whiner could only reply “what did he say? What did he say?” At that moment I noticed that the whiner had a tube in his ear draining into a square thing on his belt. What’s that about?
Everyone in the room then requested that ear protection be issued to everyone in the department with the caveat that it would be worn at all times when in the proximity of “round of belly and bald of head”.
At the end of the meeting Chief Daniels gave everyone there some good news and some bad news. Since they were complaining about working all that overtime at time and a half, the good news was that he would be hiring 12 new part time officers for the road. The bad news was that they would all be relatives of his and had already been hired in secret.
Suddenly it hit me. These people had only showed up to represent themselves, nothing was accomplished. As they all walked out of the room laughing, smiling, joking with each other, patting each other on the back, I noticed the blood. I had luckily left last and had unknowingly protected myself. As I stepped out the door It was then, that for the first time, I noticed there was a husky Sgt. in the hallway who I know wanted to help in the negotiations. All he did was pace back and forth outside muttering, mother F’er, A$$ hole, corruption, as he chain smoked cigarettes. I’m not sure he won the argument with the voices in his mind because I left.
At that moment I swore to myself I would never use the 79th Street Causeway to get to the beach by driving through this insane asylum. I would swim the channel separating Miami Beach from this bunch, braving hungry sharks, tide waters and drunken boaters rather than risk the possibility of being stranded with this crew. When the rest of the Police Departments realize what is happening here, they will raise both draw bridges, letting the inmates run the Asylum.
My notes are a little sketchy but I will present it to the best of my ability.
First off the FOP Team was informed that the negotiations would take place in City Hall at the 1700 Building. FOP and Company headed that way and started to enter when someone noticed a bunch of dead ****roaches doing the chicken on the floor just inside the door. After a few minutes of discussion they remembered that the building had been closed up because of the poison gas thing that put a couple of officers down a few days ago. Peeking around the corner was Chief you know who, watching to see if they entered. It would have been a win for him if they had. So, back they went to have the meeting elsewhere with me right behind.
When everyone was at the new place everyone got down to business. The Chief had his needs and the police theirs, so here are some of the things discussed and the order may be inaccurate, but only the order, everything else is accurate, I swear to God!
The Chief wanted to have an extension on the Police Bill of Rights thing where you have only 180 days to take action on discipline. He wanted it extended to 5 years, double his current ongoing investigation of the Latin Lady. Rightly, the FOP declined but Bobby, being himself, wouldn’t let it go. He requested that when she was being investigated she be required to stand up in front of him at attention. He said that it was a sign of respect when addressing a senior Officer of his Omniscience. The FOP guys saw this as a minor thing for her to stand with her stomach in and chest out so they agreed saving the big stuff for later. The Chief seemed to suppress a slight smile but I couldn’t be sure because I was distracted when Latin Lady left angry with her stomach in and chest out. Good thing she was a few steps from the door or she would never had made the turn.
Up next was the whiner who had arrived with his personal Attorney. He was representing his squad and demanded that everyone on his squad get a 10% raise as they were specially trained. That was a very reasonable and minor demand because he is a Corporal, has no squad, works fluctuating hours and reports to no one because the Attorney he has with him is very good and no one will F with him. He was quickly denied. Having never attended any anger management classes he got very angry, looked around the room to see if The Cruzer was there, then went out into the hallway and assaulted someone. He immediately returned, denied it and was believed by everyone.
Next I think the tall lady Sgt. came rushing in, she apologized for being late for the negotiations stating that she was getting her hair done and Lt. McC had given her permission to be tardy this one time. Her request was simple, as she only wanted an additional 1300 hours of sick time a year, nothing for anybody else, just more sick time for her. Reasoning, she has kids. Additionally it is a pain calling in sick and then having to change it to Comp. time so as not to lose the time and a half later on. She continued explaining that even with butterball’s help, people were catching on. The Chief, realizing that the Department couldn’t run without her, granted the request. About this time a BOLO came out over one of the police radios informing every one of a drive by shooting that had occurred earlier at the Margate Detective Bureau Building and the Coconut Creek P.D. Station. The tall lady quickly said “Everyone sees me here right? Check your watches”. She then left saying she had to get in some sleep prior to work.
Mr. Puleo, the union negotiator, was pleased with this concession from Daniels, his old buddy from way back in the day. So he volunteered not to make any more I.A. Complaints against N. Bay Village Officers this year like he had made in the past (which was two). I don’t know if the Chief was happy with this because there were other officers that needed investigating, the real sneaky trouble makers I was to find out later.
The whiner jumped up and stated that he would take up where Puleo left off if he was given one cheese sandwich a day along with his squads 10%. Daniels said that was food for thought as he jotted down some notes. Now I can read handwriting upside down and I think, but am not positive, he wrote something like “Request another $1.2 million in budget for, back pay, attorney’s fees, investigative fees etc.” Big Mo chimed in saying he would assist the whiner because he (big Mo) knew how to write long fictionalized complaints, just don’t hold me to spelling.
There were a couple of old guys there whom I first mistook for bank security guards or Wal- Mart greeters. I later realized they worked for the Department and had been around when the area was still a swamp and had probably fought with the Indians for a dry place to crap. They requested that the acceptable arrival time after being dispatched to a call be extended to 10 minutes to keep them within the acceptable arrival guidelines. They also wanted a bottle of Geritol every day and a cheese sandwich. This request seemed to affect the whiner somehow who again proceeded outside, stomped someone, returning back inside to claim self defense. Again, everyone believed it because he showed them a red mark on his chest. That made the Chief happy.
There were two cool black guys there that I took to be representing the black populace of the City. They just laughed and smirked, they were making sure whitey didn’t get too much of their tax money I guess.
Next a guy referred to as Butterball stood up and requested a shorter work day for himself. Explaining that getting to work at 10:30 a.m. and staying till the wee hours in the afternoon (1:30 p.m.) was taking a toll on his health. Another concern of his was that he be given an hour and a half a day to work out for his health, adding that he would take the time off at the beginning or end of his long work day, whatever was convenient for him. Daniels apologized for not realizing that Butterball was working so hard and putting in such a long work day. Daniels stated this could be arranged if the union would drop that pesky, minor nepotism clause. Everyone agreed making room for the next topic.
The next request was from a heavy friendly looking cop who was all mellowed out. He wanted to see the City PPPPPPPPPPPPsychologist (again?) because he said that this place was more F’d up now then when they fired him two years ago. He wanted to make sure this wasn’t all just in his head because nothing is could be like this in the real world. He tried to work out another two year paid vacation but was shouted down when others stated “NO” we already have someone else on a two year paid vacation who will be back soon, so give others a chance and share you greedy B.
Another bald heavy guy stood up and he asked to be allowed to work more than 29 hours a week (aren’t work weeks 40 hours?). Anyway, before anyone could answer, Butterball stood up and offered some of his long hours if he (29 hour guy) would quit whining.
As I sat there I thought to myself, I better move around a lot or these three might eat me. Followed by, if I was being chased by these guys all I would have to do is hide out in a Gym because obviously gyms are invisible to them or, run by a McDonalds and they would stop…chase over, escape complete.
Standing up next was a tall skinny guy who was continually holding his balls with both hands and talking in an unnaturally high voice. He requested more detectives in his Bureau, because six detectives weren’t enough to cover the mean streets of N. Bay Village. He also wanted the detective position to be a permanent position due to the fact that they had a secret hide out bureau room at the 1666 Kennedy Causeway Building on the fourth floor and if any of his men left the squad to work elsewhere, he would have to kill them to perpetuate the secret of the snake’s lair. He was assured by Daniels that he would never have to kill anyone for no one else in the Department would ever be asked to be a Detective due to their (the others) inability to tell a lie or even do cover-ups. All that the current detectives had to do to insure their position was to tell truth as the Chief sees it. To this, ball boy quickly stuck out his tongue and appeared to taste the air as he smoothly slid away in happiness.
The next cop who stood up was round of belly and bald of head, he asked only that a spell check be installed on his computer. This for some unknown reason set the whiner off and he screamed at round of belly and bald of head “what you need is to go to the next two F’ing gun shows and take four G-Damn gun safety courses at each show”. Round of belly and bald of head was very polite and swore he would attend to which the whiner could only reply “what did he say? What did he say?” At that moment I noticed that the whiner had a tube in his ear draining into a square thing on his belt. What’s that about?
Everyone in the room then requested that ear protection be issued to everyone in the department with the caveat that it would be worn at all times when in the proximity of “round of belly and bald of head”.
At the end of the meeting Chief Daniels gave everyone there some good news and some bad news. Since they were complaining about working all that overtime at time and a half, the good news was that he would be hiring 12 new part time officers for the road. The bad news was that they would all be relatives of his and had already been hired in secret.
Suddenly it hit me. These people had only showed up to represent themselves, nothing was accomplished. As they all walked out of the room laughing, smiling, joking with each other, patting each other on the back, I noticed the blood. I had luckily left last and had unknowingly protected myself. As I stepped out the door It was then, that for the first time, I noticed there was a husky Sgt. in the hallway who I know wanted to help in the negotiations. All he did was pace back and forth outside muttering, mother F’er, A$$ hole, corruption, as he chain smoked cigarettes. I’m not sure he won the argument with the voices in his mind because I left.
At that moment I swore to myself I would never use the 79th Street Causeway to get to the beach by driving through this insane asylum. I would swim the channel separating Miami Beach from this bunch, braving hungry sharks, tide waters and drunken boaters rather than risk the possibility of being stranded with this crew. When the rest of the Police Departments realize what is happening here, they will raise both draw bridges, letting the inmates run the Asylum.