Too funny

Sheriff's Monkey

A man walks into a pet store and is looking around when he spots a chimpanzee in a cage marked, "$1000". The man looks a little closer and discovers that the chimpanzee is wearing a tie and a hat and is twirling a set of handcuffs around his finger. Curious, the man summons the shopkeeper and asks him what the deal is with this thousand-dollar monkey.

"Sir, You have discovered our Deputy Sheriff Monkey. This one is our basic Patrol version. It's got a POST Basic certification; can fire 'Expert' with a Glock, Remington 870, or an AR15; knows the Penal Code and Traffic Code by heart and is up-to-date on Cultural Diversity and Active Shooter Response. Very good value for a thousand dollars!"

The man is suitably impressed and moves to the next cage, which is occupied by a gorilla - also wearing a hat and tie, but is gnawing on a pen instead of the handcuffs.

The price on this one is $5000. Shopkeeper exclaims, "Ah, sir! You have discovered the Sergeant model! This one has a POST Advanced certification, is capable of training any other monkeys in basic firearms skills, mechanics of arrest, physical training, investigation and small unit tactics! It can even type! Very good value for five thousand, sir!"

Impressed, the man moves to the last cage. Inside, he finds an orangutan, dressed in the same hat and tie as the others, but holding only a coffee cup. "What does this one do that he's worth $12,000?" asks the man.

The shopkeeper clears his throat, "Ah, sir, well, um.... We have never actually seen him do anything except drink coffee and play with his ****, but he says he's a Lieutenant."

I have to disagree with that one, unless you are talking about the Lt in charge of fleet. He's an idiot. It does sound like Sheriff Hall since he is never seen except by himself in the mirror.

You forgot the Veteran Model:

It's got a POST Basic certification; could enforce any law possible but chooses not to due to being "senior" and has the "been there and done that" attitude. Usual work load is the calls that are dispatched to them and they work harder at getting out of completing a report rather than properly working the call. Spends most of the shift *****ing to others how screwed up the supervisor, rookies, or their co-workers are, and constantly talks of how things would be better if they were in charge. Would rather turn the opportunity to be successful down due to being afraid they would ***** about themself. They also love to use forums to snipe others while they hide safely behind the "guest" name.