05-02-2009, 04:06 PM
Yesterday I saw something that has changed my life and my attitude about this job. For the first time in my life I saw a hearse that had one of my brother officers in it. The hearse was taking this brother office to his final resting place. From where I was standing I could have reached out and touched it. I gave the salute while a tear trickled out from under my sunglasses. He, along with Deputy Lopez, was killed in the line of duty by a man who decided not going to jail was worth two deputies’ lives. It was worth it to take husbands and fathers away from their families. He also decided his wife’s grief over his own loss and the loss of the deputies was worth it. That could have been any one of us or me. But it wasn't. From what I was told those guys went down like heroes. Who knows how many lives were saved by their sacrifice. Perhaps our lives were saved.
What has changed in me? For starters, a new found respect for those I work with. We do not have to like each other. That doesn’t mean we have to hate each other. Even the most disliked officer can call for help and we will drive faster, harder and with more determination to get to them (with safety in mind). It could be a lazy deputy, a micro-managing sgt that would throw you under the bus, or even members of the admin who are constantly being trashed on this site. We should never take for granted that when we put on our uniforms we are a target, and any one of us can be lost in milliseconds. That’s not even enough time to pray for God to forgive us of our sins, much less giving our spouses and children a last kiss goodbye. If the person we lose was the one we all used a scapegoat, I would hang my head down in shame. With that being said I don’t want to wait for something bad to happen for me to feel ashamed of it. As I said I may not like you, or the way you work or not work, or how you weasel out of calls and reports, but I will still respect the fact you are a brother or sister officer, even if the truth is I don’t believe you should be an officer. I will respect you. Seeing Skip yesterday taking his final voyage yesterday made me realize that.
Second, the tragedy itself, the third for Okaloosa within 12 months, gave a new found respect for this job. Can anyone imagine what the initial reporting deputy felt after he learned two of his fellow officers were killed when he requested officers to look for the suspect, and the feeling of helpless knowing that he could not do anything about it? Another thing is the criticism of the public and the press with regards to sending only two officers to a shooting range to look for a suspect. It is entirely understandable for them to believe that the OCSO was wrong in its tactics, but training and experience tells us something different; that is was “routine.” Any way you choose to look at it, it is what it is. Deputy Roman Jackson was shot when he arrived on a “routine” burglary complaint. D-3, notoriously known as the burglary capitol of Santa Rosa County, and therefore what Roman went to was “routine.” Robert Holster told me that he and John Welch spoke to Roman five minutes before he was shot. Roman told Robert he was going to a burglary complaint, and it shouldn’t take him long. For the most part, and for D-3, burglary was “routine.” How many of our fellow officers were shot and/or killed on “routine” calls for service? How many of our brothers and sisters were killed during their last “routine” assignment or “routine” traffic stop, or “routine” patrol? For me, there shouldn’t be anything that requires me to carry a loaded gun and wear a bullet proof vest that is routine. Nothing that I do in law enforcement will ever be “b.s.” or most importantly, routine ever again.
Along the lines of respect for the job comes with respect for the community. I was told by an FTO once “we train you to do your job so that you can go home to your families and have a job to come back to the next day.” I’m cashing in on those words of wisdom. Not to downplay what has happened but sometimes the little things I can do, such as being a little more courteous and not so quick to give the impression of being rude. Many of us, myself included, could have avoided not only the “routine” complaints but most importantly the incidents in which resulted in an officer getting hurt if we used our brains instead of our egos. I will not speak for any individual; that cross lies on my shoulders. Yeah, I wear a badge and carry a gun. I’m “the law.” We are not infallible. We are wrong sometimes. Admitting it makes us “look bad.” Not anymore, not for me. Sometimes listening goes a long way. Does that mean we don’t ever need to take charge? No. Is that the cure all that will keep us all safe? No. The guy that shot the deputies was being charged with a misdemeanor. The guy that killed Tony Forgione last year was going to be baker acted. But on the so-called “routine” calls we go to where there is no perceived “threat” and we are having a bad day, or we are on a “b.s.” call that another deputy should have taken, and we act like jerks, some of these people don’t like us as it is and will challenge us. We are the professionals. We are better than that. You don’t like what they say? Fine. Tell them what they know, not what you want to say because they stepped on your ego, and get 10-8. If the don’t want to listen, get 10-8. As I said, this is solely directed at me. I’ve been there and done that. Not anymore, not after yesterday. I took verbal judo a long time ago. Even though I have a great long term memory, my own ego and arrogance has dimmed my memory of verbal judo. I plan on taking it the next time it comes around to refresh my memory. Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks. We are never too old to learn. I hope I’m not.
And finally, I have a new found respect for my family. Everything I do, every decision I make, every ticket I issue, every arrest I make, every report I write, I will do so with the best interests of my family in mind. My wife’s and children’s’ future depends on it. It’s not just about getting killed. What if I acted like a total jerk to someone, they filed a complaint, and I get written up? Or let’s say I had a moment of indiscretion. I did something really stupid that cost me days off without pay or cost me my job? What did I prove to my family when I couldn’t control myself or knew what I was doing to begin with, and I lost the only way I have to pay bills or put food on the table? Jobs are getting harder and harder to find. A while back I though of seeking a second job to buy something nice for my wife for our anniversary. There was nothing. Even the Waffle House is backlogged with applications. I didn’t think about it then, but watching Skip go by made me realize that if I was killed, it would be the same thing as losing my job. My wife can’t pay for all of this on her own. Life insurance may pay off the house or the cars, but she would be left to raise our children on her own. If I lost my job, it may even be worse financially because I’m just an extra mouth to feed. I owe it to my family not do something stupid and get fired or suspended. It may feel like the thing to do when we are not really thinking, but sitting in front of the administration and being told they are going to recommend terminating our careers is a little too late to go back and fix the wrongs. I’m going to fix the wrongs now before they ever happen. I may have not been the best at times but I will be the best for my family’s sake.
I don’t want to be a hero or be called a hero. I had a guy ask me one time if I would “fight to the death.” I told him I would but let’s hope it doesn’t come to it. If I go down fighting, I will go down fighting. I will not be a coward. I will not be ashamed. I would have done it right. What I am ashamed of was it took the deaths of two deputies and seeing one of those fine officers take his last ride that made me realize I needed show the most important thing respect, life.
Rest In Peace Deputy Burt Lopez and Deputy Warren “Skip” York.
What has changed in me? For starters, a new found respect for those I work with. We do not have to like each other. That doesn’t mean we have to hate each other. Even the most disliked officer can call for help and we will drive faster, harder and with more determination to get to them (with safety in mind). It could be a lazy deputy, a micro-managing sgt that would throw you under the bus, or even members of the admin who are constantly being trashed on this site. We should never take for granted that when we put on our uniforms we are a target, and any one of us can be lost in milliseconds. That’s not even enough time to pray for God to forgive us of our sins, much less giving our spouses and children a last kiss goodbye. If the person we lose was the one we all used a scapegoat, I would hang my head down in shame. With that being said I don’t want to wait for something bad to happen for me to feel ashamed of it. As I said I may not like you, or the way you work or not work, or how you weasel out of calls and reports, but I will still respect the fact you are a brother or sister officer, even if the truth is I don’t believe you should be an officer. I will respect you. Seeing Skip yesterday taking his final voyage yesterday made me realize that.
Second, the tragedy itself, the third for Okaloosa within 12 months, gave a new found respect for this job. Can anyone imagine what the initial reporting deputy felt after he learned two of his fellow officers were killed when he requested officers to look for the suspect, and the feeling of helpless knowing that he could not do anything about it? Another thing is the criticism of the public and the press with regards to sending only two officers to a shooting range to look for a suspect. It is entirely understandable for them to believe that the OCSO was wrong in its tactics, but training and experience tells us something different; that is was “routine.” Any way you choose to look at it, it is what it is. Deputy Roman Jackson was shot when he arrived on a “routine” burglary complaint. D-3, notoriously known as the burglary capitol of Santa Rosa County, and therefore what Roman went to was “routine.” Robert Holster told me that he and John Welch spoke to Roman five minutes before he was shot. Roman told Robert he was going to a burglary complaint, and it shouldn’t take him long. For the most part, and for D-3, burglary was “routine.” How many of our fellow officers were shot and/or killed on “routine” calls for service? How many of our brothers and sisters were killed during their last “routine” assignment or “routine” traffic stop, or “routine” patrol? For me, there shouldn’t be anything that requires me to carry a loaded gun and wear a bullet proof vest that is routine. Nothing that I do in law enforcement will ever be “b.s.” or most importantly, routine ever again.
Along the lines of respect for the job comes with respect for the community. I was told by an FTO once “we train you to do your job so that you can go home to your families and have a job to come back to the next day.” I’m cashing in on those words of wisdom. Not to downplay what has happened but sometimes the little things I can do, such as being a little more courteous and not so quick to give the impression of being rude. Many of us, myself included, could have avoided not only the “routine” complaints but most importantly the incidents in which resulted in an officer getting hurt if we used our brains instead of our egos. I will not speak for any individual; that cross lies on my shoulders. Yeah, I wear a badge and carry a gun. I’m “the law.” We are not infallible. We are wrong sometimes. Admitting it makes us “look bad.” Not anymore, not for me. Sometimes listening goes a long way. Does that mean we don’t ever need to take charge? No. Is that the cure all that will keep us all safe? No. The guy that shot the deputies was being charged with a misdemeanor. The guy that killed Tony Forgione last year was going to be baker acted. But on the so-called “routine” calls we go to where there is no perceived “threat” and we are having a bad day, or we are on a “b.s.” call that another deputy should have taken, and we act like jerks, some of these people don’t like us as it is and will challenge us. We are the professionals. We are better than that. You don’t like what they say? Fine. Tell them what they know, not what you want to say because they stepped on your ego, and get 10-8. If the don’t want to listen, get 10-8. As I said, this is solely directed at me. I’ve been there and done that. Not anymore, not after yesterday. I took verbal judo a long time ago. Even though I have a great long term memory, my own ego and arrogance has dimmed my memory of verbal judo. I plan on taking it the next time it comes around to refresh my memory. Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks. We are never too old to learn. I hope I’m not.
And finally, I have a new found respect for my family. Everything I do, every decision I make, every ticket I issue, every arrest I make, every report I write, I will do so with the best interests of my family in mind. My wife’s and children’s’ future depends on it. It’s not just about getting killed. What if I acted like a total jerk to someone, they filed a complaint, and I get written up? Or let’s say I had a moment of indiscretion. I did something really stupid that cost me days off without pay or cost me my job? What did I prove to my family when I couldn’t control myself or knew what I was doing to begin with, and I lost the only way I have to pay bills or put food on the table? Jobs are getting harder and harder to find. A while back I though of seeking a second job to buy something nice for my wife for our anniversary. There was nothing. Even the Waffle House is backlogged with applications. I didn’t think about it then, but watching Skip go by made me realize that if I was killed, it would be the same thing as losing my job. My wife can’t pay for all of this on her own. Life insurance may pay off the house or the cars, but she would be left to raise our children on her own. If I lost my job, it may even be worse financially because I’m just an extra mouth to feed. I owe it to my family not do something stupid and get fired or suspended. It may feel like the thing to do when we are not really thinking, but sitting in front of the administration and being told they are going to recommend terminating our careers is a little too late to go back and fix the wrongs. I’m going to fix the wrongs now before they ever happen. I may have not been the best at times but I will be the best for my family’s sake.
I don’t want to be a hero or be called a hero. I had a guy ask me one time if I would “fight to the death.” I told him I would but let’s hope it doesn’t come to it. If I go down fighting, I will go down fighting. I will not be a coward. I will not be ashamed. I would have done it right. What I am ashamed of was it took the deaths of two deputies and seeing one of those fine officers take his last ride that made me realize I needed show the most important thing respect, life.
Rest In Peace Deputy Burt Lopez and Deputy Warren “Skip” York.