KPI standards?????

The new evaluation year started April 1st. Has anyone seen the new KPI's? I am curious what imaginary standard we will be held to this year? Any word?

You must bend over once a day, get on your knees twice a week, chase kids around with energy drinks, remain a total idiot for taking the job, wash your bosses car and bend over again!!

I'll have you know I have never washed the Lt's car!!!

Well, hopefully the KPI issue will be covered in the next manager's meeting. I think there's one this month.

There are standards for people who don't do anything?................................Priceless !

There are standards for people who don't do anything?................................Priceless !

Yeah.....................management figured out how to measure a zero.

I'll have you know I have never washed the Lt's car!!!

You left out bending over and getting down on your knees?

There are standards for people who don't do anything?................................Priceless !

Yeah.....................management figured out how to measure a zero.

Hey, zeros can be good if there's a number to the left of the zero.

You guys complained when you were on the road and they made you write 2 FYs a month. It doesn't matter if you guys work for ABT, FDLE, FBI, MIB, whomever, you guys will never be happy. Just do what they ask you to do, work your off-duties, and go home safe.

I meant FIs before one of you complainers try to correct me.

We are already almost 2 months into the new evaluation year and still our senior staff has not come up with the new KPIs even though they have had 6 months to evaluate the current KPIs and what they mean. It is just unprofessional to start a new evaluation period just like the last administration with KPIs set way after the evaluation period. Why is it so hard to do, given the open policies we have with the senior staff and the employee forum. Whether we have KPIs or not is not important what is important is not giving the agents the guidence.

Guidance? you want guidance............. go to a real police department then. You know our policies are not followed anyway. so much for accreditation. we are a bunch of fools. we violate our own rules, and at the direction of the chief no less. maybe he has not read the policies yet. good luch with our evealuations............ maybe we can cry some more to the union.

Think about it - No agent has signed an evaluation for 08/09, because the standard for KPI #10 has not been established. If it takes six months for the standard to be established, then you will only be responsible for "half" of the numerical expectations. Simple math, even for LEI II's.

OK, I've done the math and here's what I came up with regarding work ethics and standards:



>From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE that 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give
over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23-15+18+11 = 98%

and,

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 127%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that while
Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, Bull*shit and Ass Kissing will put you over the top.

Well, this explains a lot of the supervisors we have statewide. I think I am going to take a math refresher.

Some of the supervisors actually do want an agency that responds to the needs of the community. If your supervisor does not ask for your input, give it anyway. It's your workplace. You drive your state car by schools, neighborhood groups, libraries, faith based groups, and if you want to make a difference, stop your car and meet with the people in the community. You may not have thought about it much, but those people really are impressed with ABT's agents and want to interact with ABT. It's true in my home town and it's true in yours.

By the way that the previous post was written you would think the KPI's don't exist...and that's exactly how you should think of them. They never did measure a damn thing worth measuring, and looking at the glacial pace of the revised KPI development, I bet the new ones won't be any better. So go out and do what you know; if it feels right and it reflects well on your agency, your supervisor should be proud of your acts. You will get a pitiful eval, but there are worse things.