04-16-2008, 02:59 AM
Things Cops Know, (and Things They Want You to Know)
High-speed chases will always proceed from an area of light
traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic.
The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely proportional to how long you've been a cop.
Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen).
The better you do your job, the more likely you are to be shot, injured, complained on, sued, investigated or subpoenaed on your day off.
The longer you've been a cop, the shorter your flashlight and your temper get.
The bigger they are the harder they fall. They also punch, kick and choke harder too.
Watch out for the CSI effect. There is no machine that we can drop an eyelash into and come up with the DNA profile, fingerprints and mugshot of the owner in 2 minutes.
When you see an emergency vehicle behind you with its lights and sirens on: pull to the RIGHT, and Stop. We are usually required to pass cars on the left.
When a civilian sees a blue light approaching at a high rate of speed he will always pull into the lane the cop needs to use.
Dunkin' donuts has much better coffee than they do doughnuts.
When you're driving in the fast lane and you see a cop behind you don't, go 5 mph's under the speed limit. We are not impressed by how safe of a driver you can be, we're trying to go help someone (or catch that guy in the SUV that just cut you off). Safely move over and let us pass by you, please.
When you see an officer conducting a traffic stop, [or with a suspect in handcuffs] it is generally not a good idea to approach him/her and ask for directions. If you do, dont expect the officer to be nice when he/she tells you to get lost, and dont expect the officer to take the time to explain.
If a cop causes a car accident we usually get a ticket, and sometimes we get suspended. When is the last time you got 3 days off [without pay] for rear-ending a guy at Wal-mart.
We know you've had more than 2 beers. I've never had two beers and driven my car through the front doors of a gas station, pissed my pants, and passed out with my foot on the gas.
If you drive a piece of junk car; this is why you're getting pulled over. In one week I pulled over 10 cars for "minor" equipment violations.
8 out of 10 had no vehicle insurance,
2 out of 10 had suspended drivers licenses,
1 out of 10 had warrants, 2 out of 10 had felony warrants,
and 1 out of 10 was a known sex offender with his 12 year old niece in the car without her mothers knowledge.
Of the 2 out of 10 that didn't have any other violations, one was given a "fix-it-ticket", and the other was given a warning. (if you are trying to do the math many had multiple violations)
If you've just been pulled over how doing 70 in the 35 Do Not greet the officer with "what seems to be the problem, officer."
We get coffee breaks too, and sometimes we run into stores and do some shopping during them.
When you're the victim of a burglary take the time you spend waiting for the officer to find the model #'s and the serial #'s of the stuff that was taken.
Some cops are just jerks, but take heart in the fact that other cops don't like them either.
Cops make mistakes, and sometimes there big mistakes.
Every time you hear on the news about people running away from a crazed gunman, someone's son or daughter in a blue, white or brown uniform is running TOWARD that crazed gunman.
City cops don't like the highway patrol, and vice versa.
Yes it's true, cops usually don't give other cops speeding tickets. Think of it as an employee discount, and unless you’re a habitual speeder all you ever get is a fine.
Your 5 year old kid getting pushed down by another 5 year old kid IS NOT a police matter, talk to the other kids parents.
If your kid won't do his homework or do his chores, 911 is not the answer for a uniformed second-string parent.
If you hit your spouse in front of your children, your children will hit their spouse in front of their children.
Police work is...writing reports.
If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but I get to see a K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep the $20.
People love fire fighters.
If you find crack pipes in the ladies purse, there is a good chance they belong to her.
Cops know you pay taxes and that your taxes pay cops' salaries. Cops also pay taxes, which also pay cops' salaries so, hey, this traffic stop is on me. Now sign here; press hard.
When you see an officer walk into the room, a polite greeting of "Hello, how are you?" is much more appropriate than, "Uh-Oh Jim, it looks like they're here for you!" or putting your arms up and exclaiming, "I didn't do it!" It will surely save you from looking like an unoriginal horse's arse.
If there are police cars, firetrucks, or ambulances at your neighbor's house then there is a problem. You don't need to meddle into your neighbor's business by asking us what's happening. Your curiosity, no matter how strong, is not a reason violate your neighbor's privacy. If it's something that YOU need to worry about, we would've knocked on your door and told you.
No, I don't know your cousin who's a police officer in (fill in location anywhere in the US)
( IOW We Don't All Know Each Other)
No your crappy band doesn't have until 10:00pm to blast your crappy music out of that garage.
If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing a beer bong I don't need a warrant.
If a neighborhood association asks for police to start ticketing in their neighborhood, one of the first five ticketed is on the board.
If an officer is standing in front of you with his hand outstretched, waving furiously at you, plus he's yelling for you to "Stop", it's usually a good idea to do as he asks. Please don't keep driving towards the officer (as happened to me the other night).
Flares + cruiser parked at an angle = Place you can't go, even if it's a ramp to the interstate.
Stop resisting means exactly that. Don't say "I'm not resisting" as you throw a punch at the officer's face.
Just because you're handcuffed doesn't mean you won't go on the ground if you attempt to assault an officer. We don't even make exceptions for pregnant women who bite us, either.
If they tell you they borrowed the jacket from a friend, just before you search it, they've got something, and it's still gonna be their jacket.
For some reason, you think I'll believe it when you tell me that you don't know how it got there. (see above)
Just because you have your hazard lights on, doesn't mean it is okay to park in the fire lane and run into the store. Even if you really need milk!
No I will not go get your 6 year old from their friends house, becuase it is 1:00am and you don't want to drive 3 minutes. Maybe you should set a curfew, and enforce it. I am not a bad police officer, you're a bad parent.
And Last but not least: 99% of Police Officers do their job honestly and with great pride, we try to do our job well.
Often we have to work in environments where we are the only ones that have to follow the rules.
High-speed chases will always proceed from an area of light
traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic.
The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely proportional to how long you've been a cop.
Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen).
The better you do your job, the more likely you are to be shot, injured, complained on, sued, investigated or subpoenaed on your day off.
The longer you've been a cop, the shorter your flashlight and your temper get.
The bigger they are the harder they fall. They also punch, kick and choke harder too.
Watch out for the CSI effect. There is no machine that we can drop an eyelash into and come up with the DNA profile, fingerprints and mugshot of the owner in 2 minutes.
When you see an emergency vehicle behind you with its lights and sirens on: pull to the RIGHT, and Stop. We are usually required to pass cars on the left.
When a civilian sees a blue light approaching at a high rate of speed he will always pull into the lane the cop needs to use.
Dunkin' donuts has much better coffee than they do doughnuts.
When you're driving in the fast lane and you see a cop behind you don't, go 5 mph's under the speed limit. We are not impressed by how safe of a driver you can be, we're trying to go help someone (or catch that guy in the SUV that just cut you off). Safely move over and let us pass by you, please.
When you see an officer conducting a traffic stop, [or with a suspect in handcuffs] it is generally not a good idea to approach him/her and ask for directions. If you do, dont expect the officer to be nice when he/she tells you to get lost, and dont expect the officer to take the time to explain.
If a cop causes a car accident we usually get a ticket, and sometimes we get suspended. When is the last time you got 3 days off [without pay] for rear-ending a guy at Wal-mart.
We know you've had more than 2 beers. I've never had two beers and driven my car through the front doors of a gas station, pissed my pants, and passed out with my foot on the gas.
If you drive a piece of junk car; this is why you're getting pulled over. In one week I pulled over 10 cars for "minor" equipment violations.
8 out of 10 had no vehicle insurance,
2 out of 10 had suspended drivers licenses,
1 out of 10 had warrants, 2 out of 10 had felony warrants,
and 1 out of 10 was a known sex offender with his 12 year old niece in the car without her mothers knowledge.
Of the 2 out of 10 that didn't have any other violations, one was given a "fix-it-ticket", and the other was given a warning. (if you are trying to do the math many had multiple violations)
If you've just been pulled over how doing 70 in the 35 Do Not greet the officer with "what seems to be the problem, officer."
We get coffee breaks too, and sometimes we run into stores and do some shopping during them.
When you're the victim of a burglary take the time you spend waiting for the officer to find the model #'s and the serial #'s of the stuff that was taken.
Some cops are just jerks, but take heart in the fact that other cops don't like them either.
Cops make mistakes, and sometimes there big mistakes.
Every time you hear on the news about people running away from a crazed gunman, someone's son or daughter in a blue, white or brown uniform is running TOWARD that crazed gunman.
City cops don't like the highway patrol, and vice versa.
Yes it's true, cops usually don't give other cops speeding tickets. Think of it as an employee discount, and unless you’re a habitual speeder all you ever get is a fine.
Your 5 year old kid getting pushed down by another 5 year old kid IS NOT a police matter, talk to the other kids parents.
If your kid won't do his homework or do his chores, 911 is not the answer for a uniformed second-string parent.
If you hit your spouse in front of your children, your children will hit their spouse in front of their children.
Police work is...writing reports.
If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but I get to see a K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep the $20.
People love fire fighters.
If you find crack pipes in the ladies purse, there is a good chance they belong to her.
Cops know you pay taxes and that your taxes pay cops' salaries. Cops also pay taxes, which also pay cops' salaries so, hey, this traffic stop is on me. Now sign here; press hard.
When you see an officer walk into the room, a polite greeting of "Hello, how are you?" is much more appropriate than, "Uh-Oh Jim, it looks like they're here for you!" or putting your arms up and exclaiming, "I didn't do it!" It will surely save you from looking like an unoriginal horse's arse.
If there are police cars, firetrucks, or ambulances at your neighbor's house then there is a problem. You don't need to meddle into your neighbor's business by asking us what's happening. Your curiosity, no matter how strong, is not a reason violate your neighbor's privacy. If it's something that YOU need to worry about, we would've knocked on your door and told you.
No, I don't know your cousin who's a police officer in (fill in location anywhere in the US)
( IOW We Don't All Know Each Other)
No your crappy band doesn't have until 10:00pm to blast your crappy music out of that garage.
If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing a beer bong I don't need a warrant.
If a neighborhood association asks for police to start ticketing in their neighborhood, one of the first five ticketed is on the board.
If an officer is standing in front of you with his hand outstretched, waving furiously at you, plus he's yelling for you to "Stop", it's usually a good idea to do as he asks. Please don't keep driving towards the officer (as happened to me the other night).
Flares + cruiser parked at an angle = Place you can't go, even if it's a ramp to the interstate.
Stop resisting means exactly that. Don't say "I'm not resisting" as you throw a punch at the officer's face.
Just because you're handcuffed doesn't mean you won't go on the ground if you attempt to assault an officer. We don't even make exceptions for pregnant women who bite us, either.
If they tell you they borrowed the jacket from a friend, just before you search it, they've got something, and it's still gonna be their jacket.
For some reason, you think I'll believe it when you tell me that you don't know how it got there. (see above)
Just because you have your hazard lights on, doesn't mean it is okay to park in the fire lane and run into the store. Even if you really need milk!
No I will not go get your 6 year old from their friends house, becuase it is 1:00am and you don't want to drive 3 minutes. Maybe you should set a curfew, and enforce it. I am not a bad police officer, you're a bad parent.
And Last but not least: 99% of Police Officers do their job honestly and with great pride, we try to do our job well.
Often we have to work in environments where we are the only ones that have to follow the rules.