04-12-2007, 02:27 AM
Hey guys. I have heard that imposter has returned I am the REAL FREE SHERIFF and want to tell everyone some things. I will not be bullied anymore by anyone. Bernice has been taking karate lessons and has promised me I can come back and write to you all. If you guys try to bully me, she will kick get you. She means it....really. I have been thinking who, beside my treasured Bernice, would be fit to be an undersheriff. Bernice said I could make her assistant sheriff and let Rick Jenkins be the undersheriff. This way Bernice can collect my paycheck and I will stay be your free sheriff. See how it works. Rick can run the agency because I will be out there like my hero, Father Ed, giving out traffic tickets. This is the real crime in thsi county...traffic. I am personally going to eliminate crime by writing more citations. By being out there we can close my office up in the Crystal Palace and save more money. You guys will have my cell phone number to call me directly. There will be no more chain of command. Sound good??? You know it is. Now lets talk about some of my plans, my vision. We will eliminate the present Aviation unit. I will sell the big expensive helicopters we have. With that revenue I will but a bunch of those little Robinson things and have them trailered. A helicopter will be assigned to each region and when you need the helicopter, bam the guy pulls over and lifts off. Bernice thought of that. She is great. That is why she is going to be my assistant sheriff. Now for the K9 unit. I figure we can save money and buy basset hounds. They sound mean and have great noses. They won't bite but that just means you big bad bullies will have to control the bad people yourself. IA is gone. No more IA. I will have civilians on review boards. This is a good idea Kaz thought and puts many people back in our communities. No more detectives either because you guys are going to do it all. You are now getting enough money and need to do more. As for cars, I have written to Ford and asked them to provide a police package for the Focus. Better gas miledge and cheaper to buy. You see, I have some great ideas. A vote for me means positive change, not the same old thing. Keep posted on my website. Visit often. I know I am great. Bernice tells me so. I am the next Sheriff of our county. I am your true leader. A leader with positive traits I exhibited during my long tenure. The only person you need consider. Oh well, Bernice is getting upset. Her and the boys are waiting for me at the table. Time for my metamusel and tea. Vote for me guys.